A little rant

 It's been quite a while since I wrote something. This is not some poetry or any artistic bullshit its just my rants so, read it if you like. I have lost some part of me that was so dear to me, the dark side of me that would constantly look into the void and see it staring back. The nothingness and void has been filled, or at least that's how i feel. Even though it is replaced by "something" i am not sure if it is all color but hey at least it is something, right? At least i feel fulfilled finally after so so long. The black is replaced by something grey and that's something to be joyful about i guess. Shit has been alright lately, things are not the worst. Nothing is as planned (if only i had a plan lol) but it's alright can't complain. Sometimes here and there i catch myself zone out for a sec either looking at the moon or towards a constellation, but i haven't had those episodes of endlessly staring at the ceiling lying on the bed. I've been having really vivid dreams whenever i get to sleep for an hour or two. The dreams are almost lucid and these are not happy dreams nor are they sad, lemme put it this way: the moment i wake up i feel like Freud's theory about having dreams seems very reasonable. I guess it really is my subconscious talking to me or communicating what it wants. 

There are a lot of things that shouldn't have happened the way they did, (i know... ranting about my past is kinda of a trait now ig) and I keep replaying scenarios in my head of what should've happened instead. I don't like talking about all that stuff but then out of the blue comes along a day like today where i don't know what else to do (even though i have A LOT to do if i am being honest). I wish i was delusional and didn't think this much about shit that don't matter, or shit that has passed already but i guess thinking about shit like this over and over again is kinda who i am now. Sometimes i am hit with this intense feeling of unease and restlessness reminiscing my choices, thinking ever single one of them was flawed and if i had a choice i would immediately start over again but i can't. But its alright, i have no regrets whatsoever. FUCK IT ALL.

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